My husband doesn't beat me, call me names or man-handle me in any way. I guess that's part of why I've been and still am in denial to some degree.
We've been through counseling once about 5 years ago when he was entangled in porn. There were obviously other issues but that's what pushed me to seek help. During the time we were in counseling, I feel like he manipulated the counseling (hindsight) to suit what he wanted. He has lots of sexual control issues and he used things from therapy to add to that control. I can't say he forces me to do things I don't want to do, but I can say I do those things to prevent consequences that I don't yet fully understand.
Recently things have escallated. He threatened suicide about a week and a half ago and went through a "break down' of sorts saying noone in any arena of his life respects him.
I go out with my best friend for coffee once a week and he's become incredibly jealous of that time. We have house church in our home once a week and he is very tense and snappy when we meet. He's said multiple things about not liking most of the people I am friends with.
The worst is the way he is with our 10 year old son. He is critical of everything he does - seems to look for reasons to get on him. There was an incident over how to get shredded cheese out of a bag not too long ago that ended in tears and me asking them to stop fighting. CHEESE! The most recent thing that I'm kicking myself for is we were out to eat and our son was being snotty about the waitress being slow. He needed correction for his attitude, but my husband started in on him in a very low tone through clenched teeth. I couldn't hear what was going on but something in me knew it was bad and I turned the other way. Sad but true. Afterward dh asked to speak to me and our son and he apologized for telling him he was acting like an a&&hole!!!!! That's when something clicked that my kids are learning to take the same stuff I do.
Oh - I might add we had our son in counseling nearly 2 years ago because he was anxious and showing motor tics and severe depression. At the time the counselor said she'd come to an end with him because he wouldn't talk past a certain point. Now I think I understand. I've been covering for my husband all these years while being afraid of the price of random choices (rules always changing). Now I see that our son couldn't talk because he feared further retribution.
I am just in the early stages of accepting that something is very wrong in our home so I have no advice ot offer but just know you're not alone.