SAFE Information About Sibling Violence


Back to the SAFE webpage

“All kids fight.” “You have to expect some sibling rivalry that ends up in some punches-it’s normal.” “Boys will be boys.” “Girls argue, boys get physical.” “Brothers and sisters fight, you have to accept that.”


These kinds of sentiments are commonly expressed about families. Often however, disputes between siblings explode into sustained, severely injurious and even deadly abuse.


Findings from the National Family Violence Survey, funded by the National Institute of Mental Health and summarized in the book Behind Closed Doors-Violence in the American Family (Straus, Gelles, Steinmetz, Anchor Press/Doubleday, 1980), illustrate that sibling violence is not always just a matter of some heated words and a few punches:


At least once a year;



Projecting the surveys results onto the US national population this means that 7 million children are beaten up by a sibling at least once in their lifetime. At least once a year, 109,000 children had a gun or knife used against them by a brother or sister.


The National Family Violence Survey found that boys in the severe violence categories bulleted above were more violent towards their siblings-but the difference was not as great as is commonly assumed:


Boys-59% Girls-46%


In overall violence including less severe acts, (like pushing, shoving, etc.), the difference between boys and girls was even less, (83% versus 74%).


The authors summed up their findings this way:


“While public attention has been focused on child abuse and wife-beating, we found that the over-all level of violence between siblings far outstrips that which occurs between parent and child, or between spouses…Violence between siblings often reflects what children see their parents doing to each other, as well as what the child experiences in the form of discipline…Children of non-violent parents also tend to use non-violent methods to deal with their siblings and later with their spouses and children.”

P. 94

Research


It’s unfortunate that there has not been more research into the extent of and amount of sibling violence since the National Family Violence Survey. We encourage other research into this area and hope to provide a database here at the SAFE website. Readers who may know of such research should inform us with full details about such published research


Effects




Even less is known about the effects of sibling violence. Certainly, we can assume that

severe and repeated sibling violence results in physical injury, a loss of self-esteem, psychological trauma, and an increased likelihood of such violence ‘leaking out’ into self-destructive behavior. The evidence is clear, the greater the level of violence in the family, the greater chance that the person affected will be violent towards others. Violence is primarily learned behavior. Children learn what they live.

What Can Be Done


Certainly, one of the ways that sibling violence can be reduced is to encourage non-violent child discipline. There are many books on how a parent might more effectively or easily communicate with their children or teenagers, or teach lessons in studying habits, responsibility and so on. There seems to be fewer sources on how parents might use non-violent yet effective child discipline. SAFE highly recommends this book: 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas Phelan, Ph.D. The techniques demonstrated are easy to understand and use, but as many parents have testified, they actually work to produce more disciplined children and fewer family arguments of all types.


Parents and other caregivers must generally be more vigilant in preventing and discouraging sibling violence. All schools should develop and implement methods that teach and support conflict resolution skills.

Although sibling violence has not had much of a place in discussions of domestic violence, it does not mean that it is not a powerfully destructive force.


-Philip Cook

National VP Chair, Stop Abuse For Everyone